Moral Question for the Day:
Is telling lies or manipulating others always wrong?
My take on it: It depends on which culture you come from.
My father is one of those "The coffee must be black, the westerns and Sam Elliot rock my world, and those who are dishonest are low-lifes" types. My family is pretty conservative (not religious, just conservative). Those wearing white hats, who stand up for what is right, speak their minds, and have empty pockets as a result are to be admired. Those who aren't straightforward, honest, or who manipulate, and jingle-jangle-jingle when they walk (probably all the coins in their pockets?) are going to wind up face down in the mud in the end of the mental-movie, and it serves em' right!
My husband and brother-in-law are both from India (Rajasthan and Punjab, respectively). Having grown up in a culture with major social pressure to appease others (who can be exceedingly pushy and persistent in getting what they want, right or wrong) and to protect one's social image (as it affects one's family), they view manipulation and lying much as a businessman would; it is a necessity for one's survival. This is perhaps *one* of the reasons we see so many Indians come to America with nothing and skyrocket towards success where Americans who have lived here for a lifetime often fail miserably. It is also the cause of the self-perpetuating corruption throughout all levels of Indian government (again, hearing this from Indian friends). If you don't slide some cash to the government employee's hand in India, then good luck to you getting your document processed!
Indians tend to figure people and systems out and do what they have to do to survive and to succeed. It is better, in Indian culture, for example, to lie to someone who keeps asking to borrow money they never pay back then to tell them straight that they are undependable and you're not going to loan them anymore money. In Indian culture, that person may retaliate if you are assertive about their behavior. They may say things to the vast network of people that make up your community which damage your reputation (be they true or falsified). The consequences could be severe, and either way even an obviously untrue rumor will likely follow you forever in the Indian community (and thus, your family).
We Americans have the general "luxury" of being honest, in my view. It is not only acceptable, but a virtue, to be honest and assertive here. With our cultural structure being based on independence, the consequences are typically not as dire for telling someone off or losing out on business (not progressing as quickly up the financial ladder) as in Indian culture. While the individual may think you're a jerk, they are not likely to cause others to shun you or your family when they complain, or even tell false rumors about you. In India things like this can affect the quality of person your brother can marry, who will hire you for a job, or your parents getting a loan to start a business (not that the credit system is the same in India as America, but I digress).
In our household, my husband will tell little white lies (typically when it comes to finances) such as "Yes, I ordered that [item]" or "We only have this much in that account". While it drives me crazy when he lies to me, I appreciate that he does not open his mouth and let honesty roll on out when dealing with business situations. I appreciate it, when it is needed, that he works the system (such as signing up as a new customer to get a deal on cable, for example) to save us money (I think cable is a huge rip-off anyway, so I'm not morally opposed to it). So I suppose it's a double-edged sword. I have learned also, to keep my mouth shut rather than tell someone my honest opinion when my honest opinion may not be appreciated.
Again, this view I have developed is through my experiences with Indian culture and through the discussions I have had with Indian friends and family members. I have met at least one exceedingly honest East Indian, so I want to emphasize I am speaking about generalities - as that's what "culture" is - a general set of rules and norms a group of people live by. If my post offends you, I apologize, but you are welcome to respond - I just request that you keep it civil, focus on culture *not* religion (it is off-topic for this post), and keep an open mind so responders can feel free to voice their opinion without fear of judgement.
Those of you who have experience with Indian and/or American cultures, what are your thoughts?
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